I think I figured out why blogging can be a good thing. I know that writing in general can be therapeutic, but doing it in a semi-private/semi-public arena is a great way of getting out everything you have to say but you don't have to look anyone in the face to do it. No confrontation or, to put it without the negative connotation, face to face means you don't have to hear what someone else is saying or see what they are thinking. Anyone who reads the blog just knows what's going on... no words need be exchanged. I like that.
I have so many thoughts crashing around in my head that I can't concentrate. They are all consuming and keep me from sleeping or working. Some thoughts are fragments while others are complete sentences or paragraphs. Some emotions are just one word, one syllable, one sound that I want to scream out loud. There are times that I scribble ferociously just to get those words out so that I can sleep or just continue on with my day. With each sentence I feel a growing sense of calm until I can rest. Until it swells up inside me once again.
I don't know where to begin. It is easy to say at the beginning, but it is hard to say where that is. In September everything felt great, not perfect, but great all the same. I was busy at work, happy at home, and I knew what direction everything was heading. I was looking forward to the months that were ahead of me. Once I could get through my busy season at work, I could relax. I had it all planned out. My down time would begin with a beautiful wedding followed by vacation #1. I was so excited to take that time and finally unpack boxes that had been laying around the house for almost a year. So excited to finish decorating and make the house look more like a home. Shortly thereafter, I would have vacation #2. A trip to Jamaica with my whole family. It would be the first real vacation that I would be spending with loved ones in 3 years. Then the holidays would have arrived. I already had plans for decorating the house and shopping for presents and then just before Christmas is was off to Las Vegas for vacation #3- a trip that spent nearly 2 years in the making. And then just to complete the year, I had off the week of Christmas- vacation #4- perfect for last minute Christmas shopping, baking cookies, and just taking a deep breath before the holidays began.
It all came to a screeching halt with one simple sentence... "I don't think we are heading in a positive direction."
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I am sorry to see that, whatever everything was, it came to a screeching halt. However you may think it now, it was better it ended now rather than later. Think of it this way. When you knew me, I was to be a schoolteacher. 9 years and lots of drama later, I am completing my 4th year at an internet phone company. Me, huh? (this is Regina E from Facebook commenting under my livejournal account)
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